Weakness & Openness
Romance Evolves From Concepts
Remember the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? The concept was created by relationship guru John Gray Ph. D and released in a self-help book in 1992. OMG! Finally, something that explained the differences between men and women. The book was enormously popular and created a buzz in the dating landscape. Other relationship counselors and dating coaches piggybacked on the concept. There were similar adaptations and spinoffs of the title. Although there was a decent male following, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus primarily targeted women.
The concept was explored by a large female audience and heavily consumed by women. It became the national anthem for women everywhere. The title became cliché. It was echoed by many women who were in a romantic crisis with a man or who wanted him to open up more emotionally. It gave women perspective and cleared up the confusion of why it can be so difficult to maintain a healthy romantic connection with each other. A woman could now explain with the upmost confidence to a man, the right brain/left brain theory. A woman could walk away from a misunderstanding from a man with the attitude of, “Hey, men are from mars, women are from Venus.” Men walked away understanding why it was so difficult for them to be emotionally available, receptive to love and express their feelings. It actually enlightened men and gave them something to think about. The deliverer of the Mars/Venus message was key. Why were women so receptive to John Gray? Why was it easy for him to get the attention of millions of women and to deliver his message so effectively? John Gray appeared genuine and he had a non-threatening appearance. He had the sweet boy next door look and a warm smile. He was the poster child for dating and romance.
Men and women are different, and John Gray’s book made a valiant effort to expose those differences and educated a great many people. He knew that men and women are from the same place, but we are different in how we behave. John Gray started something that created a powerful dialogue amongst women, and between the two sexes. For a good while, John Gray had the dating world in the palm of his hands. As with any concept or cliché, they fade with time. Because times have changed, people also change. Gender perspectives, roles and socioeconomics continue to evolve. There are more same sex relationships that are openly expressed. That said, there is a male adaptation in many of those relationships. One partner is jockeying to be the alpha and the other a subgroup personality is going to naturally be more passive. Men and women are different toward each other in platonic and romantic relationships; not because we are from different planets obviously. Men and women are different because each sex has different vulnerabilities.
The words emotional vulnerability popped up in the dating world a short after the Mars/Venus concepts. There was a great deal of emphasis on being with someone who could be emotionally vulnerable. For over 20 years now, men and women alike have been coached by relationship counselors to work towards being vulnerable or seek emotional vulnerability. These words have infected the minds of relationship counselors everywhere. In the opinion of Straight Raw Wellness, couples have been misled down a Romantic Rabbit Hole. The vulnerability concept has confused many people and has innocently negatively impacted many romantic relationships. Expectations, expectations, expectations. People are expected to play a role. By societies standards, cultural beliefs and learned behavior, men are to be less emotionally vulnerable, be strong or show certain emotions. What is expected of a man, a woman; regardless of being in a straight of gay relationships? Well emotional vulnerability ain’t it. At Straight Raw Wellness, we felt it was our duty to provide prospective on the term being vulnerable or emotional vulnerability. For the last 20 plus years, emotional vulnerability has reared its head and revealed its fangs.
((((((((((Michael Jordan is one of the most respected basketball players in the world, and consider my many the greatest bketball players to ever play the game can’t even cry in peace. Along woth 6 championships he has one meme that he is recocognized for; him crying. Him showing his emotiins wans made fun of and his meme sirfaces all of the world. Why do people where glasess at funerals? Crying in front of a woman can create a connection. If a man was with a woman he couldn’t cry in front of
A misinterpreted moment is a man crying. A man crying is not him being vulnerable weak. If it is, you’re with the wrong woman or around the wrong people. Crying is not being emotionally vulnerable but men hide those emotional reactions to avoid being judged or thought of as being weak. being kind or being generous is another misinterpreted moment of weakness. Some people view themselves weak if they cry, if the say sorry or apologize. if a man cries What is emotional vulnerability or being emotionally vulnerable? Some people view emotional vulnerability as a moment that they are at their weakest point to be taken advantage of. After a tragedy, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, no money. Some people view emotional vulnerability as somebody who has the power to use some personal information as leverage to judge them or to put them in front of a judge. It is a level of exposure to being judged, criticized, harmed, hurt or attacked. Vulnerability is empowered by trust. It is a moment and opportunity between two people that are friends or romantic partners. That moment can be both granted by one’s feelings and misinterpreted by others. Any action of doing, showing, telling etc., can be considered vulnerable. A person crying, losing a job, the death of a loved, sharing a dark secret, giving someone your heart, lending someone a lot of money etc., are just a few examples of vulnerability. These moments can be opportunities for people to expose themselves to betrayal which is perceived as an attack. There are three elements of a friendship or romantic partnership that empowers emotional vulnerability. Deep levels of trust, high expectations and long lengths of time. People can trust too fast, expect too much, too fast but over time, a person is going to become emotionally vulnerable. There are going to expose some area of their life that will cause them pain if betrayed. A loss of independence emotionally or financially can make someone vulnerable.
People, relationship counselors and dating coaches have confused people to the point that when they let down their guards, a friend or a partner stabs them in the back. are very confusing
Push for Emotional availability.
The Word Game
Words can have the same meaning or they can mean two different things. Words are nuanced and the wrong meaning can create chaos and confusion in someone’s life. Not knowing the difference between words and continuing to buy into old concepts and beliefs can really stifle personal growth and self-improvement. Failing to understand that some words stand on their own can be the difference between success and failure, and starting to heal and continuing to grieve. At Straight Raw Wellness, we have a nuanced vocabulary. Introspective Intelligence compartmentalizes words so there’s less of a word game and more of an understanding. For example, there’s a difference between decisions and choices, trauma and disappointment, sadness and unhappiness, healing and grieving, injuries and wounds, infatuation and love, love and like, friends and allies, struggling and suffering etc. ******opened minded or receptive to new ideas and possibilities this is not the same as vulnerability or weakness. Teaching vulnerability as a means to become deeply connected is an outdated concept and does a disservice to someone who wants to be mutually respected by a partner. I have to prove to you that I love you by exposing myself. It’s time to be more accurate and progressive. Let’s start with Openness and emotional availability.
Openness and Emotional Availability
Being emotionally open and honest is often stigmatized as being or showing weakness. Showing certain emotion or sharing certain feelings and thoughts can be mislabeled as being vulnerable. When a person puts their honest feelings and opinions out their, they shouldn’t have to worry about someone throwing it back in their face or judging them. The aforementioned reasons people are afraid to be open and honest. People are often open and honest with the wrong people or with people who decide to use the information against someone. Everyone has feelings and thoughts about something or someone. Some people choose to hide those; let’s call them, “emotions” out of pride, selfishness, being careful, etc. Some people decide to share or reveal those emotions to be open, honest or to decompress. There is no financial, emotional or medical risk or benefit associated with hiding or sharing one’s deepest emotions. Being open is a level of maturity that doesn't require other to be open first. Being open is for one’s own peace of mind to live without regrets. Being open is very liberating. People who view being open as taking a risk, might view openness and emotional availability risking their safety, emotional health and financial well-being. When openness about emotions is viewed as a means of someone. Everyone has secrets that they should hide from fear of judgement or persecution. That said, the exception is hiding polarizing emotions and views about certain groups of people, organizations or religion that can be viewed as being offensive. Feeling safe is paramount. Not being judged or getting rejected is important to feeling safe. Being open and honest about certain subjects does require discernment because revealing certain feelings can be a slippery slope with the wrong people. Whether it’s sharing deep felt emotions or telling one’s darkest secrets, it really depends on the mindset, mentality and the maturity of the people involved. When a person increases their Introspective Intelligence, they are free to be open about how they feel without the anxiety about being judged or taken advantage of. The reason why being open and hones t is viewed as a vulnerability is because it’s human nature to wait for an opportunity to later use the information against someone stab them in the back.
Vulnerability and Weakness
“Sharing romantic feeling, a self-truth or crying can free a person from an emotional metaphoric prison. Sharing a dark secret or confessing a past crime can get a person locked up in an actual prison.” Straight Raw
Being vulnerable is being open but not in the sense of openness. Vulnerability is a feeling whereas emotional availability is a mindset of readiness. Being vulnerable is related to being open or susceptible to being attacked or having a weakness. Being vulnerable has the same concepts of being open; i.e., sharing, revealing or hiding some information. Vulnerabilities and weaknesses are usually hidden to protect a person from being attacked; emotionally, financially or legally. For this very reason, a person will hide a secret to protect themselves from being attacked or even going to jail. Along with hiding details of a crime, people hide vices that have deviant behavior. Although coffee is a socially acceptable vice, being addicted to pornography or prostitution are open to judgement and vitriol. People However, vulnerability has other factors; times of weakness caused by traumatic events in which other people can take advantage of. During grief or job loss, a person can be at their lowest point and weak. During loss of a loved one, a person can be extremely vulnerable. A person may start using drugs or alcohol to cope.
Vulnerabilities are hidden and protected because people don’t want to be judged, leveraged or blackmailed. (((((((Criminal or shamful))))))
People hide certain details and certain truths of their life because they don’t want the information used against them later. People would hide being gay Details of a person’s life is both private and public. People hide details of their life because they want to avoid reexperiencing or re-living the trauma. They don’t want their embarrassing moments exposed to anyone or to become news public news again. Why would a man hide crying from a woman, sister, mother, girlfriend or wife? Depends on him; the culture, the was it during a death or funeral or a love story or wedding? macho bravado
People can be deeply ashamed of something they did or that was done to them. A person can be ashamed of their lifestyle; being gay or being sexually assaulted. telling you something that happened to me? Telling a secret, a trauma? abuse? abandonment some a painful or negative experience. sadness reflect on that makes you sad. attack a weakness or an opportunity to strike or attack
Lets take death and divorce. These are two events or moments that can make someone vulnerable to someone’s advances or betrayal. I was vulnerable, lonely I wanted My mother died and I was lonely A woman approaching a man romantically in public is rare but online is expected. There is embarrassment in public and it can be shaken off online.
There are psychological components that should be processed to gain perspective and some that should be managed so they can be released. There are beliefs that should be challenged and redefined. Being vulnerable to a romantic partner in order to reach deeper levels of love should be challenged. The idea that we need to become vulnerable in order to experience the ultimate feeling of love should be redefined. What does the word vulnerable or vulnerability really mean? Do we have to be completely vulnerable in order to fully love someone? If we go around someone who is sick, we are vulnerable or susceptible to becoming ill. If we are around people who are always negative, we are more likely to become negative. Being vulnerable to a romantic partner means being susceptible to being harmed by them and not being in a position protect oneself from being attacked by them. When you are vulnerable to someone you can’t protect yourself from being attacked by them emotionally, physically and emotionally. Being vulnerable to someone in a relationship means having some area of weakness or exposure to be attacked or betrayed. In a romantic partnership, we are vulnerable by default. With Introspective Intelligence, we start to reexamine our romantic goals.
Trauma, Trust and Faith
Love per se is not a weakness. However, love is the gateway to being hurt by those who fail to honor the spirit of love. Trust and expectation opens the possibility to betrayal and disappointment.
Everyone comes into a romantic partnership with his or her desires, issues and needs. These dynamics are personal characteristics create an agenda that can be utilized emotionally as a sword to cut, injure or defend. Some people are more guarded and less trusting. At some point, everyone lowers their shield allow someone to get close them emotionally and financially. Everyone exposes some level of vulnerability. The stronger the desires, the unhealthier the issues and the greater the needs, someone will be able to strike the heart.
They drive our emotions and behaviors. Our feelings, thoughts and memories of insecurity, trauma and re triggering us to get our agendas met is satisfied or nmet sthese we all have There is a level of give and take based on trust. The more trust you give someone the more we feel betrayed. Some people are more afraid and hesitant about People are Emotional vulnerability doesn’t stop with your emotions. It also means means mto become vulnerable to that person or should we be open to receive love and give love? being open to love and being vulnerable . Open to the possibilities and not thinking the worst or jumping to conclusions. Some teach being vulnerable or learning how to become more vulnerable. .
